When the Work Begins to Hold You
There’s a kind of exhaustion that doesn’t come from doing too much. It comes from caring deeply… and feeling like that care has nowhere to land. You might recognize it.
The quiet effort of holding something ~ work, relationships, a vision ~ and the subtle strain of being the one who has to keep it going. Not always visibly. But internally… steadily. Even devotion can start to feel heavy there. Not because the care is wrong. But because of how it’s being held.
Lately, I’ve been noticing a small shift. Not something I’ve mastered. Something I’m still inside of. A movement from relating to the work as something I have to carry… to something that, at times, begins to carry me.
It’s subtle. The responsibilities don’t disappear. The conditions don’t suddenly become ideal. But something in the source of effort begins to change. Less forcing. Less strain.
More of a sense that I’m participating in something already moving… rather than generating it from myself alone.
When that shift happens ~ even briefly ~ effort reorganizes. It’s still there. But it feels different in the body. Less like pushing. More like responding. Less like holding everything together. More like staying in relationship with what’s already alive.
I don’t think this is something we arrive at once. It feels more like something we recontact… again and again…especially in the moments where the old pattern returns ~ where it feels like it’s all on us again.
But with each encounter we notice, even slightly, that we are not the only source of movement here…something softens. And something deeper becomes available.
I’m still learning how to live inside this. To keep contact with the work… without gripping it. To stay devoted… without carrying it alone. To trust that what is alive does not depend entirely on my effort to exist.
If this touches something in you, you don’t need to resolve it. Just notice.
Where, even slightly, might you already be participating in something that is not asking you to hold it all on your own?
🌿
If you’d like a quiet way to stay in contact with what’s unfolding ~ I share occasional notes from the edge of the work. Small signals, patterns, and questions as they emerge. Notes from Laureen is a place to stand at the shoreline…and sense what’s moving across the waters.